From the second my kids were born I’ve been making a mental list of the little attributes they got from me. His cute little nose and her lips: the good stuff. But, I’m pretty sure my oldest got my know-it-all attitude and drama: the WTF stuff.
I’d say I was about 14 years old, but I’m sure my parents would argue my age at the time, which is somewhat irrelevant. We were sitting at the kitchen table, my grandmom, who I’m sure could tell how this conversation was going to go by my attitude, was sitting across from me. I was so pissed at my parents for something, God only knows what, that was pretty much standard for me at the time. I probably had to be home at 10:30 pm and not 11 pm (a lot could happen in the ½ hour at super Wawa and I had serious FOMO). I said with the hardest resting bitch face you could imagine, how I was smarter than they were. I was smarter than my parents and they didn’t know shit about life. Yes, my 14 year old self knew more than my 40 something year old parents. I said it over and over, and over and over. Their response was, “duh, we know you are hunny (eye roll/laughing their asses off)”. I was dead serious and I spent who knows how long explaining to them how I was, in fact, smarter than they were. It is forever the most told story my mom tells people about my teenage years. So that will give you some sort of idea of how I was as a teenager, as if the fact that I was pregnant at 19 wouldn’t give you enough of an idea. I will never live that conversation down.
I remember that I was yelling at him, but at that moment I couldn’t even remember why I was yelling. He was standing in the hallway and I was feeding the baby a bottle on my bed. The room started spinning and it seemed like the world had stopped. My mind went blank and all I could hear was silence. Reality just punched me hard AF in the face.
I was staring at my 9 year old self in the mirror. Each sentence that he would scream at me was an exact quote from something I had yelled at my own mother when I was his age. He was in trouble for going outside when he wasn’t allowed and was acting like I just took a sledgehammer to his PlayStation. It was 7:30 pm and his punishment was that he had to go to bed at 8:00 instead of 9:00. Uh, not quite the crisis situation you would imagine. (Somewhat like not being allowed to stay out until 11).
And you want know what the worst part is? My responses back to him were the same exact thing that my mother would say back to me!!!!! Talk about shit getting real. No offense mom, you were amazing – but that’s a hard pill to swallow. I contemplated even letting him just go outside so I wouldn’t have to subject myself to listening to my 9 year old self yell at myself (if that makes any sense).
The payback that my mom always said I would get was here, right in front me and I wasn’t prepared for it, AT ALL. I mean is it even possible to prepare yourself for something like that? It’s worse than I thought it would be and much sooner. I have spent 9 years trying to avoid him being the tween/teenager I was and it just hit me that he might even be worse. At some point I thought I would be able to handle whatever he would throw at me – but I got nothing. And to think, his teenage years haven’t even started yet!
I am currently waiting for the day where he turns around to tell me how much smarter he is than me – which is actually probably true.